As a first time mom of three month-old boy/girl twins in Manhattan, I belong to a couple of email groups for moms (mainly) of twins to share information, etc. I found the following posted to both of them a few days ago:
For the first time, I was struck to my core with a kind of fear I'm not sure I could have imagined existed. Shortly thereafter, I realized it would never go away. I'm not sure I counted on this -- I don't think anyone could have prepared me for it. I sort of feel trapped by the inescapability of it. It's not just a New York City thing, I would guess . . . it could happen anywhere. My husband says, "Of course those people are out there, but I'm not going to live in fear," which I take to mean he won't be paralyzed by the crushing weight of possible horribles. I don't think that's going to happen to me, but at the same time, I'm not sure I'll ever truly be free of it, either.
There are actions to be taken to lessen the risk, of course; there are skills you can teach your kids. But you can never be 100% sure they'll be safe from these men (mainly). Which is why it is so difficult to imagine hiring a male nanny. My husband and I talked about how unfortunate it is that men are circumscribed from these kinds of roles in our society. Wasn't feminism supposed to benefit both men and women? Weren't jobs that were traditionally defined by gender roles supposed to be blown open to both sexes? Can't a particular man be more nurturing than a particular woman?
And then those questions hit the cold hard curb of the statistics: that the overwheming majority of sexual predators of children are male. That the recidivism rate among pedophiles is among the highest of any single type of criminal, and they tend to be resistant to known therapies.
Which is why, even as the gentle, feminist, man-loving Quaker that I am, I looked with alarm and suspicion today at the man sitting alone in Central Park as he studied a group of toddlers in a soccer lesson. It was a moment before I thought that he probably had a kid in the class and another before thinking, "he'd better have a kid in that class."
Our kids are casualties of pedophiles, but so are our good men and how we think about them.
[Willa's note: This post was followed a few days later by the post below:]
Sometimes, I'm more on the mark than I realize . . . the following came along on the same parenting listserv where the first notice originated (posted below).
Sat Jun 30, 2007 8:28 am (PST)
This incident was reported all over the Brooklyn Parenting Groups and
had everyone terrified. I wanted to forward this message from the
Bococa board that clarifies what really happened. Please do not post
unsubstantiated rumors of child abduction.... This particular rumor
set off a witch hunt for an apparently innocent single dad.
---see below
From: Judy R
To: bococa parents
Sent: Friday, June 22, 2007 12:35:05 PM
Subject: [CarrollGardensPFG] incident in Carroll Park
The community affairs officer from the 76th Precinct came by the park
today to speak with Kathleen and myself about the incident in the
park. He said the police determined there was no attempted abduction.
Apparently, the mom had been talking to the man with the dog and when
he left, the little girl followed the dog.